Lacking, or in the process of Aquisition.

It has been a while since I last made a post on a reflection over a topic like this one, but here I go:

I was present on a sale process, more accurately, its conclusion. A small vehicle was sold, and as it was a peer to peer transaction, it happened very differently than I had imagined it should.

Once the buyer reached the agreed destination -along with the companions that came to support him- he immediately continued his previous trend (which started over the phone before the meeting) to try and lower the price even more than what he had already achieved it to become.

Then there was an inspection on the vehicle, as it hoping to find more reasons to lower the price further, more than making sure it had the quality announced in the online sales post.

In the end, the vehicle was successfully sold, even if a little under the lowest selling price the seller tried to keep for most of the selling process.

What ended up happening, for me, was a deeper disgust for the buyer, the more he insisted on lowering further a price that had already been accepted to be lowered from the initial sales price.

I understand there is a certaing room to negotiate the price on an swcond-hand item, depending on its state, but I cannot shale the feeling that constantly attempting to lower a price under an already lowered offer, with arguments on the expenses the buyer would have to go to acquire the object or what they would need to invest on it, after the purchase, to be both irrelevant, annoying and very disrespectful, almost to the point of being insulting.

Maybe it is the fact that I loathe needless insistance on a very clear "No" kind of statement. Perhaps I consider it deeply unfair to try and go over the already established limits of something, just to get your way.

And there is the distinct possibility that I have just grown up in a confrontational dynamic and environment, under the influence of someone driven by control, rules and thinking only of how things "should" be VS how they really are. A somewhat "my may or the highway" kind of atmosphere.

And so I have come to realize I share that confrontational approach to most strangers under conditions that violate what I seem acceptable.

Another example is my tendency to curse people in a low voice, any time I find my path blocked, an unexpected person or vehicle crossing my path, someone too close for comfort, walking slower than me when going towards the same place, street vendors, door to door ones, tele marketing calls/messages, etc...

It may be a consequence of myself throwing myself inside my room and locking me inside for hours, even days... To try and lower the accumulated discomfort of a perticularly rough day.

Or maybe I am just as intolerant, prejudiced and biggoty as the people I used to criticize when I was a teen, or even worse.

And more importantly than that, I wonder how to reduce the commonly high levels of anger and annoyance I can get to, by interacting with others.

It does not happen all the time, nor with everyone, but I can think it is fairly common to have my patience reduced over conversations with others.

For example, I was one day talking to someone about their family matters and concerns. And beyond the obvious pain and grief of their family member, what I could see clearly was a childish attempt at manipulation and emotional blackmail (to name it in some way) towards the concerned person.

Maybe it is because of my inability to understand such grief, or how it may be more important than what the concerned person had already plans to do (the concerned person was telling me why I had suddenly been cancelled on our appointment, you can all imagine how thrilled I was to hear it was over family drama that the other siblings may have been able to solve instead...).

The family member in grief already has a routinely amount of allocated time from who cancelled on me. And I though and felt it unfair for them to board more over whatever else the concerned person wanted to do.

Maybe it was the result of many years of advice on how unfair it is to me to be cancelled upon for things like those, needlessly prioritized over my timeand over the word/commitment on the appointment.

And worse of all, I have come to see may things as emotional blackmail, as people are needlessly attempting to have others give them more time, attention and care, or have them take over their own responsibilities... And I am so sick of it, as if I somehow took it personal in some way...

Maybe I have just learned to see the world in shades of an "every man for himself" expectation.

And I want to start healing from that and turn myself to a more hopeful view, but not as overly naive as I once had. I just don't wanna be so angry nor so often.

Mewshie